Reason For Agoraphobia

Do you want to know why I am agroaphobic?  

People.

Arguing with Myself

In case you've been wondering why I haven't been posting, it's because I've been arguing with myself.

I know that I'm depressed because nothing really makes me happy or smile anymore.

My brain is fried, from taking a semester full of classes, at age 46.  I was recently diagnosed with ADD and Dyslexia, so that makes it even all the more fun.  And stupid me signed up to take classes this summer too.

My doggie died and I still haven't quite recovered from that.  Plus it reminds me of all the other doggies that I've lost and that makes me even sadder.

My husband is doing construction in our house.  Anyone that's read my posts knows that I DESPISE construction!  I'd rather have my teeth pulled. 

I had some money left over, from my summer school money and guess what?  Yes, my Jeep breaks down.  Took every extra penny.  Not even enough left for a loaf of bread.

My oldest son had back surgery last week.  He found out two weeks before that, that he needed it.  It turns out the screws in the rod in his back had started to come loose and were causing him problems and pain.  This required two trips to UVA, since that is where he goes.  (That also required lots of gas money.)  And we have the surgery follow-up visit next week.  (Meaning more gas money.)

My Nook Color had to be de-registered and re-registered.  I lost all of my shelves, my documents and some of my apps.  I was promised that wouldn't happen.  They were wrong.

Despite prescription pills and nose spray I've had horrible allergy/sinus problems.  I've been breathing from my mouse for so long that my lips are permanently dry.  Not to mention, I look like a gaping fish.

Well, that's just a few things that have been going on here.  I'd run away if I thought it would make a difference, but I know better.

So, how has your May been going?

OMG, There Are Lines Everywhere

Yesterday I went shopping for some summer clothes.  I needed some that actually fit properly and were stain free.  After all, I am taking summer classes at our local university.

Well, as I'm in the dressing room with the really bright, horrible lighting I saw something that took my breath away and not in a good way.  I had upside down parenthesis marks at the lower part of my mouth.  And on top of that the right side is noticeably longer than the left side.

Needless to say, that put me in a funk and made me question the products that I have religiously been using on my face all these years.

Well, it gets worse.  Today I was looking at myself in one of those magnifying mirrors and guess what.  Now, I have triangular shaped marks beside my eyebrows.  I believe they call that the furrow line.

Now, I look at myself in the mirror everyday when I put my creams and moisturizers on and I haven't noticed these marks before.  So, my big question was, when the h did that happen.

I'm so depressed today.  I just turned 48 earlier this month and apparently I showed signs of aging overnight. 

I really don't know what to do.  Do I change all of my creams and potions or do I resolve to the fact that yes, I am aging?

Please place Dear Abby and give me some much needed advice.

Casey

Oh Lord has it been a rough few days.  My doggie was sick all week long and finally passed away on Friday.

It was heartbreaking to watch as she blinked at me for the last time.  I cried and cried and cried until I was numb.

I had to take a sleeping pill Friday night just to get some rest.

Saturday came and I swear I could see and hear her in all of her favorite places in the house.

It's hard loosing someone that has lived with you for almost 14 years.  Did I tell you that she did try to "play paws" with me earlier in the week?  This is all that I can think about.

I am glad that we were there with her, as a family, when she passed but it's the aftermath that kills you.

It's been almost 3 days and well, I'm still crying.  Though, not as much.

I miss my doggie.   

A Dog's Grim Reaper

I know that we humans have the grim reaper that comes and takes us away when it's our time to go.  But what about for dogs?

I picture this sinister, dark mist that comes out of nowhere, without warning and threatens your dog.  Some dogs are in good enough shape that when it visits in the night, they have the strength to fight it.  Then there are those like my dog, Casey that just are just too old to fight it.

What happens then is you hear a "whelp" in the middle of the night.  You go check on your dog and she is barely breathing with a look of calm-fear in her eyes.  Almost as if, she can't see you.  You pet her and talk to her but you can't reach her.  Next thing you see if her life leaving her body.  You cry out, "Nooo!" but it's too late.  It's no use.  A grim reaper in the shape of a dog has come and taken yours.

What do you do?  You hold her lifeless body and cry until you can cry no more.  You take her to be cremated.  Pick up her ashes.  Take her home.  Place her urn on the mantle with the others that have passed away before her.

You then hug your remaining dogs and pray for God to give you the strength to make it through.  Until next time, when you'll have to do it all over again.  Each death getting to be more painful than the last.  You wonder why you do it and all of those wonderful memories come floating back and you smile.  You've weathered the storm.  You will make it through this, broken heart and all.

Rest in Peace "CASEY" 1998 - 2012

Today's Youth

You know what I say about today's coffee drinkers? They are wusses.

Back in my day we didn't have those little sleeves to put around our coffee and hot chocolate. We just had to get burnt. And guess what? We survived, unscathed.

I'd like to see today's young people do that.

Nor did we have those cute little, metal thermos'. We had those big suckers with a little, plastic cup on top. Top that today's youth!

Today's Youth

You know what I say about today's coffee drinkers? They are wusses.

Back in my day we didn't have those little sleeves to put around our coffee and hot chocolate. We just had to get burnt. And guess what? We survived, unscathed.

I'd like to see today's young people do that.

Nor did we have those cute little, metal thermos'. We had those big suckers with a little, plastic cup on top. Top that today's youth!

Stop Playing God

When I came across a picture of a cute little dog wearing a diamond collar I had to take a look.  After all, I love everything doggie.  Unless of course, it is very sad news.  Then I cannot and will not look.

I wanted to see who owned the little dog with the world's most expensive dog collar but the article didn't tell me that.  Instead it just showed different, little, doggies and various expensive dog collars.

The smile on my face faded when I came across the picture that you see below.

Do you know why the smile left my face? 

Look closely before answering. 

Still don't know.

Look here.

Now do you see why?

No.

Let me explain.

The first picture is of a very tiny dog, the kind you can carry in your handbag that might weigh 5 lbs.

The second picture is of a dog that weighs around 35 pounds.

Who decided to mix these breeds?  Who decided to play God and invent another breed?

Personally, it just makes me sick.  Of course the little dog is cute but knowing how he got that way fills me with lots and lots of concerns.

What do you thinK?  Do you think we should "mix" breeds?

You Are Beautiful

This week I’ve been playing with my looks.  I finally gave in and highlighted my hair, to hide the gray and the dark blonde.  I can’t help it, I like being light blonde.

I purchased two more foundations, hoping that just one of them would do what it said.  I found two different products that looked good in the store (I tried the testers.)  I brought them home and well, one of them is actually pretty good.  It did promise an air brushed look and sort of delivered.  What it does offer is a very lightweight feel, which I absolutely love.  Especially since, I hate the feel of foundation on my face.

Even though I have creams for day and night, that is supposed to help with wrinkles, which I’m not sure it does.  Yet I wear them anyway.  I still don’t put them on every day/night, like I am supposed to.

I do shave my underarms at least once a week and well, with it being winter, I must admit that I don’t shave my legs but once a month or so.  I know, gross.  But, I just don’t see the need to do it every day, like I do during short/capri months.

I only blow-dry my hair when I’m going out somewhere.  Like for school or dinner.  Which by the way is the only time that I will put on clothes that aren’t t-shirts and sweatpants and it’s definitely the only time that I wear makeup.

So, when I read about The Naked Face Project, I thought, “That’s not so hard.”  Two women have agreed to no make-up, no blow-dry’s and hairy legs for 60 days.  Their goal is to rediscover their inner confidence.

Well, this confuses me because since I go 90% of the time with none of that stuff I can’t help but wonder what it has to do with inner confidence.  Then again, I wear makeup, blow-dry my hair and put on descent clothing when I’m going somewhere that I feel the need to be pretty.  Or, at least presentable.

I can tell you one thing; there will be a book about their project.  That much I know.  Which I kind of envy.  Because I could have done, The Full Face Project for 60 days and actually spent 60 days fixing myself up.  I guess I could still do it.  It would probably be fun.  Only problem is, I honestly don’t think that I could do it.

So, are you for The Naked Face Project or for The Full Face Project?  Which one are you?

Bad Hair Days

So, that's my problem.  When I read, "Women spend 26 YEARS of their lives suffering bad hair (and watch out - it makes them mean, too,) I found out what is wrong with me.

Since I've been off this week, I've had lots of free time to access my hair situation.  It's turning gray.  It's lifeless, flat and listless, with no shine.

I have a great haircut.  I just don't have the ability to style it properly.  And apparently, I am using all the wrong products on it.

But the article suggests that women average three bad hair days a week.  Which in the average woman's lifetime of 63 years (something else to be depressed out) comes up to 9,828 bad hair days or if you will 26 years.

Now, I am 46, turning 47 in May, so I pray to God that I live past the "average woman's lifetime of 63 years." 

But it also says that bad hair days lead the average woman to spend an hour and a quarter feeling moody and depressed.  Yes, I agree that I get like that on bad hair days.  One of which is while I am writing this and of course, every day this week.

They say that having flat; unmanageable hair can make you feel tired, grumpy and less confident.  I totally agree with that.

When I was in my teens, I had the Farrah Fawcett look and I loved it.  Even though it took an hour or so to get it that way.

Then I realized that I had absolutely no body in my hair so I use to get perms regularly.  I haven't had one in over a decade and my hair throughout those years has shown the need for it.  I just hate the thought of having to sit through another one.  I really don't have the patience.  And the fact that I hate chemicals on my hair, even though I tend to use Root Rescue on a semi-regular basis.

The article also says that women will cancel outings if their hair is not up to par.  I am one of those people.  Though, I haven't been able to do that since I started back to school.  I've had to go, bad hair days and all.  Yet, it has affected my mood and confidence while I have been out.  I've put my head down and felt embarrassed.

The article went on to say that hair can be teased and tamed if 'prepped' using the perfect products.  Wish the article told you what those were.

It even said that it leads to arguments with partners, snapping at children, receiving warnings at work and just overall messing up one's life.  Who knew that 'hair' was so important?

How do you handle those bad hair days?