I received a very promising call from the Superintendent of Norfolk Public Schools.  I sent an email very much like my previous blog to him.  I am meeting with folks at Maury tomorrow.

As for the comments to the previous blog- thank you. 

To Dead Head- We have a previous diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder.  She is under care and we are presently seeking a therapist with an open availability.  Seems mental health is a priority for a lot of folks as most providers are booked thru Jan.

Thank You Madwomanbloggin-  I'm very pro-active and have sent email after email to guidance...and then the email to the Superintendent himself- he replied via phone within a couple of hours of me sending the email

andef94803-  Yeah, the concept of  "No Child Left Behind"  seems like a great idea...but maybe it isn't clear.

Now- to the credit of Maury High School and Norfolk Public Schools-  Great steps and measures have been taken to lessen violence.  I do appreciate the efforts made.  It's a large school and they were not prepared for the events that transpired.  I have seen improvements and my eldest daughter, Spawn A, is content to remain at Maury.  As for Dr. Stephen Jones, Superintendent, he was extremely helpful and expressed genuine care.  His speedy response and availability gave me a spark of hope.  Also a few select faculty members at Maury have been pro-active and caring.  For this, too, I am grateful.

I'm interested to see how this meeting goes tomorrow and will also speak with Spawn M regarding her personal responsibility in this and how we can tackle this hurdle.

On an up note- Spawn A has completed a wonderful Essay that is part of an application for a scholarship to a prestigious art school’s summer program.   Please keep your fingers crossed that this comes through for her.  I would miss her so much but the 6 weeks would be such an incredible experience.

Also, Spawn M and I have been discussing alternative vacation options.  We had wanted to see about volunteering in another country as a family but golly gee if volunteering isn’t expensive- if you go through one of those organizations.  We’ve also been looking at the possibility of going away for a week and working on a farm.  I’m just looking for something just a wee bit more rewarding that our usual jaunt.  They’re older.  Teens.  I want share special experiences with them and to give them memories that will stay with them forever.

This parenting thing has been a bit tiring as of late.  I’ve become a little fried and frustrated.  I’ve tried to stick to my beliefs without folding- holding fast to doing what I think is right and best for both of my kids.  I feel good about that… but I am a little tired.

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After waiting 11 business days, I found out today that Spawn M's transfer request (from Maury to Granby) has been turned down.  No Norfolk high school students are allowed to transfer due to overcrowding.

In my disappointment, I told the nice lady at the  Norfolk Public School's Pupil Personnel Services office  that I will have a 14 year old high school drop out on my hands.  She asked if the school was working with me on this matter.  Nope.  They sure aren't.  I understand that the administration at Maury is overwhelmed and taking measures to improve things but getting help for one student has not been a high priority.  I say this with the exception of the school psychologist who genuinely cared and offered some suggestions for how to help Spawn M through this. 

This didn't just start with the gang violence at Maury.  This began in middle school.  Bullying ran rampant.  so much so that Spawn M became sick, anxious and stopped attending.  She finished the school year in "home bound" and held out great hope that Maury would be a fresh start for her.  We were greeted with gang violence, classrooms out of control and frustration. 

I have called, written emails and made attempts to set up meeting with folks at Maury but unfortunately, this did not happen.  More than likely, Spawn M will fail. 

Spawn M is a high strung and anxious kid.  When faced with extremely stressful situations, she shuts down and stews...hmmmm.  Festering is more like it.  We are taking the proper measures in dealing with this situation.  I am doing what a responsible and involved parent can on my end.   I've had a few folks tell me, “oh- if I were you, I'd drag her up and force her to go to school.”  Hmm....well...yeah...that's gonna work.   Spawn M is not a behavioral problem at school.  She is a bright child that, before all of this, was a middle school cheerleader on B honor roll.  She does not have a game system to play when she is home.  She may not use the computer during the day.  The only entertainment she has is books, TV and chores.  She does not use drugs or alcohol and is not sexually active (and yes, i know this to be true).  She does not leave the house during school days....and seldom does in the evening.   She loses privileges when she is bad and is praised when she is good.  She attends a church youth group- even tho she is the only person in our family that attends church.......  And she does not attend school regularly because she is harassed and bullied and feels unsafe in a number of her classes.  Unfortunately, she is not emotionally equipped to deal with being surrounded by classmates and threatened.   Really tho- think about it-  if you, as an adult are at work, trying to do your job and you are suddenly surrounded by your co-workers and told you should leave, they don't want you there and trying to provoke you to act...speak...breath or do anything at all that might allow them to go over the edge with you as their fuel-  hmmm....  would you like to stay at your job?

I just can't believe that Norfolk public school will not allow this child to try to have a new start in a new school.  To attend therapy to help deal with what has transpired- to learn and practice coping skills in a safe environment.

I guess I have to move.

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Today was  a half day.  Also a rare day that Spawn M went to school.

After work we had a talk.  Things were terrible at school today according to her.  First of all, there was a substitute in her English class.  Spawn M was verbally ganged up on.  A group of "children" were making rude comments about her voice- and how annoying it was to them- making fun of her- telling her that she needed to go to another school.  They called her a slanderous name.  When she ignored them and started reading her book.  The continued,  "What?  Little xxxxx xxxx ain't gonna say nothin' back?"  She did not.

At lunch, again, her voice was made fun of- her accent. 

In the "out of control science class" mentioned in a previous blog, the teacher randomly walked up to her, put his hand on her head and face and said, "Well....... aren't you charming."  She was flipped out and again, made fun of.

She is begging to be switched to Granby High School.  I told her that I was  pretty upset about these goings on and said I was going to write more letters- she pleaded with me not to.  She, like many many many other students are afraid of making it worse.

The Spawn want to attend the Maury/Granby game on Halloween night.  I have told them that it being Halloween- if the game was actually held at night, they would NOT be attending.

This morning, when I dropped them off at school, I was litterally gripped with fear driving away.  This isn't a good thing.

Last night, I asked her how many gangs at her school she could name.  She named 6 and saif there were a few others with numbers and such that she could not remember.  How did this happen?  Why did this happen?

It has to be fixed. 

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What's the big deal about boobs?  Good Golly wolly!  Between paper plates over art at Waterside and folks tittering about Angelina Jolie "apparently" breast feeding on the cover of W magazine, I have had it  up to my nipples in boob controversy.

Seriously folks,  Boobs in art...... beautiful.    Show the ta-tas!    Boobs at concerts or bars- not so much...ever notice how it's never the boobs that should be seen that are flaunted all willy nilly?!

But super seriously- breastfeeding.  Yeah, we all know breast is best but for goodness sake, don't let anyone catch an eyeful of a baby gaining nurishment as intended by nature.  Have you ever really seen a baby breasfeed?  What the Baby's head doesn't obscure, it's mouth does and to me, it's such a beautiful thing to see a baby suckling. 

I breastfed both of my spawn and It was akward.  Not that many folks were doing it in the early 90's.  For the first few months with Spawn A, I would go into the ladies room to feed her.  This was also way before they outfitted bathrooms with chairs or nursing areas.  Yup, squating in a stall.... great... love that bonding in the bathroom.   Around friends I was always courtious and asked if it would offend anyone...and I would cover up.  I always felt a little put out in trying to make others feel comfortable about breastfeeding.   By the Time Spawn M came along I was a little more brazen.  I would still cover up but I fed her wherever and whenever I needed to.

When Spawn A had her breast reduction, I had to look at and monitor her boobs regularly.  She has beautiful boobs and is proud of her scars.  I don't suggest she go around showing them... but really. 

I guess there's also the whole porno thing and gratuitous FFF implantation that give the ninnies a bad shake of things.... but man, did you ever look at pin-ups or burlesque from the 30's- the 50's.  That was the way to flaunt the hooters!  

I dunno.  I just think with all of the serious crap going on in the world, a breastfeeding Angolina or nude art aren't worthy of the hype.  What's the big deal?  Seriously- with all thats happening, what's up with that?

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pull my kids out of school.  It's a world gone mad.  Their high school didn't have this problem last year...not like this. 

Spawn A reported to me yesterday that the school announcement reported 43 acts of violence to date at their school.  At least 5 of them involving teachers and administrators.

So yeah-  my kids will still be told by me to break the school rule of "no cell phones".

It makes me scared for them.

www.wvec.com/news/topstories/stories/wvec_local_100308_maury_hs_fights_injuries.d90d0a37.html

I particularly enjoy the letter to the parents.....  The "safety of students is barely mentioned.  As for contacting the school with concerns...yeah,  this is not making me feel any better after yesterday

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Spawn A and Spawn M are both in high school now.  They walk at least one way each day.  I have always maintained that they are to have their cell phones on their person in case of an emergency.  Norfolk Public Schools discourage this.  This is just a small piece of my rant.

I am a big fan of the school they attend.  Unfortunately, this year we've hit some bumps.  Gang violence has been a big issue.  It's been in the news( hamptonroads.com/2008/10/schools-dont-always-warn-about-violent-incidents ) and parents have been notified via letter regarding the issues.  I have told my daughters that if there is ever a situation that makes them frightened or uncomfortable, they are to contact me.

Spawn M is in a class that is extremely out of control.  The security gaurd has been called in and the teacher has no control over the students and they do not respect him.  There is no learning going on and my bright daughter has a D in this class.  I have contacted the school regarding this and am hoping to get my daughter switched out of this class.  The administrator that I spoke to  was very understanding regarding the matter and told me whcih steps to follow- who to write to and so-forth.  I followed her instruction.  Yesterday, I wrote emails to several teachers regarding my daughter's progress or lack of progress.  I could not find the earlier mentioned teacher's email address so an eamil was sent to the department head.  She then forwarded my entire rant to the teacher.  Today in class, my daughter went to discuss the possibility of getting switched from the class with this teacher.  He told her she was not being switched from his class and when she questioned him, he gave her two detentions.  My daughter did exactly what I would want her to do.  She contacted me via text and made me aware of the situation.

I called the school.  The school seemed more worried about the fact that my daughter broke the rules and texted me than about the issue at hand.  I explained to the administrator that their school has issue with gang violence, people from gangs trying to get into the school, daily fights, unruly classrooms with teachers who can't control them-  My daughter was to contact me whenever she felt unsafe or had an issue stemming from such a feeling.  I then got to the point and told her that my daughter was not to have detention and I expected this to be cleared up.  I was told that she needed to go to the disciplinary office and write a statement and then they would look into the matter. 

I'm interested-  what's your take on this?  Should a student be allowed to contact their parent in situations like this?

I'm interested to know

As a post script........ My daughter called me after school.  Apparently, right after my conversation with the administrator someone was sent to the class to do a random search for cell phones and other media devices and told the students that if any were found, they would be kept until the end of the year and not even the parents could get them back.    They did not find Spawn M's cell phone. 

Then this person told the students to behave- that the teacher was getting fired anyway.  this too, in my eyes, is wrong.

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As wonderful as going car-less sounds, it didn’t go over so well in our family meeting. The problems the teen squad mentioned were valid concerns. They have many appointments and extra-curricular activities. And in all honestly, I can’t imagine trying to schedule appointments around HRT schedules. So my newer plan has been to buy a low priced car that will last a couple of years while I stash away more funds for something more reliable when the car economy improves. 

I’ve been car shopping again. I hated car shopping 4 months ago when I bought my Focus. I hate it more now while shopping to replace it. Oh wait…replacing it doesn’t seem to be an option right now. Small gas efficient vehicles are super expensive now- Even if they’re several years old. 

Yesterday, I called an independent dealer about a car and asked him my long list of questions. All of his answers were favorable. He even offered to lower the price for some radio on-air mentions from my station. I finished the conversation the same way I do with all calls. “You can sell this car to anyone…and you will sell this car. I’m a single Mom who works hard and I need reliable transportation. I have no problem with you telling me that this car is not the right car for me.” Wink wink nod nod. What I mean by this is: hey- don’t sucker me…….please. My salesman pal assured me that no no no, they would never sell a car that they wouldn’t stand behind. He assured me that the car I was asking about was in above average condition for its age. I made an appointment to drive out there to see him this morning feeling a little hopeful. 

Well, I’d like for that dealer to stand behind that car now- cuz if it had even started, I would have gladly backed it over him. 

I overlooked his extremely unprofessional attire (this is supposed to be a dealership) and the fact that he was sucking on a Newport while helping (hahaha) me- all in the hopes of finding a reliable, appealing and affordable mode of transportation…… (hahaha again)

We walk over to the car and it’s covered in scratches, has peeling, super dark window tint and is less than stunning externally. After opening the door, I was welcomed by a smell that could be best described as ode de la heavy weed and it looked as tho a homeless person had taken up residence in it for awhile- complete with questionable, if not frightening stains. Trying to remain optimistic and positive, I turned the key. Well, it made some interesting clicking and tapping noises but nothing that resembled an engine starting.

I got out and walked away, my hands on my hips…angry. “Barry” the car salesman followed me. I very calmly spoke, “You know “Barry”, I drove all the way out here. You told me this car was in above average condition. You answered all of my questions with favorable answers, yet this car is not above average for any age, it’s messed up, smells like weed and won’t even start.” His response, “Well we have a lot of other cars.” I left. 

In the mean time, my rental runs out and I shall be car-less. And you know what? I shall remain so until I find the prefect fit for the money. We’ll just have to get over it!

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I decided to invest in Wax.... of the hair removal kind.  As far as hair removal goes- we've tinkered with various methods.  But mostly, we are tweeze and shave girls.  Spawn A has gotten her eyebrows waxed and I, myself, had a horrible- and I mean horrible, public run in with a home bikini wax kit.  The end product required alcohol (of the drinking variety), an exacto knife and a camera.

So last night, while I was waiting......and waiting......and waiting for a prescription to fill, I did some shopping.  I got this little kit and figured it would give me a break from tweezing the Teen Squads' eyebrows.  I tell you what- that kit gave us more laughter and bonding than we've had in ages.  In addition, I am happy to report that we are all mustache-less with well-groomed eyebrows even if our bellies do hurt from the laughing.

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So, I had mentioned in an earlier blog that I had been in a car accident.  I finally settled with the insurance company and will be getting some money back when my car is paid off.  Here’s the kicker- I bought my “new to me” car 4 months ago; A nice 4 door compact, gas efficient car.  Can I find my car for the same price now???? Can I even find that car now????  Um…. Hello?  No.  If I can even find one, it’s priced at least 3 grand more than I paid for mine.  Ding Dang economy!  Used small cars are just about as expensive as the brand new ones.  In fact, I went to a local dealership and looked at two cars.  Identical in trim with the only difference being one year and 3500 miles…. Oh yeah- the used one was more expensive than the brand new one by about a grand.  I asked the salesman how that could be and he had no answer. 

I don’t have perfect credit.  I’ve had my share of bumps along the credit highway and do the best with what I have to get by.  So needless to say- looks like the car thing isn’t going to happen.  I’m not going to buy another piece of poo money sucker and I’m not going to commit to 5 years of outrageous car payments- so, this is what I’ve decided to do.  Instead of saying- hey I’m poor!  I’m going to say- “Yay me!  I’m going GREEN!” 

If this is what I really decide to do, here’s how it will go- I will buy the Teen Squad bikes and re-iterate bicycle safety.  I will fix my bike tires…. We will get heavy-duty locks and decorate helmets.  For trips outside of our little radius- there is the HRT, taxis and the kindness of friends (gas money provided of course!).  For trips out of town, there’s car rental. You know, there are areas (nowhere near here) that do car co-ops.  Very cool idea. All in all- if we went car-less for a year, we could save $4,000.  That’s car payment, insurance and gas.  Add that in with the left over settlement money, I will have a very nice down payment on a new car next year.  Hopefully by then car prices will be a little less ridiculous and there will be a great reward!  See, the more I think of this, the more it seems like a challenge I could pose to myself.  Much like quitting smoking, which I have done.  But being car-less?  It is something to mull over.

Wonder what the Teen Squad will think of my idea. 

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Last week, one of the teen squad was getting harassed online.  This is, unfortunately, not unusual in today’s world.  You would think these kids would learn that you really can’t do that sort of thing.  There were a couple of things that burned me up about this situation.  This teenage girl that was sending my daughter nasty messages and comments used to be friends with my teen squad.  She had spent much time at my house, went to concerts for free with my teen squad and then, at some point, decided to turn on them. 

The other thing that burned my buttons….that really got me miffed-  she called my kid a poser!  She also called my kid a few other choice words.  I was ready to call her parents, to email her and also to contact the police- not over the poser thing but over the other vulgar things she said.   My daughter calmly said to me,  “No Mom, don’t do that.  I’ll block her from sending me any messages or comments.  I have to go to school with her and I don’t want this to be any worse than it is.”  She acted as tho this was no more of an annoyance than a mosquito bite.  I was kind of proud of her for that.   Not wanting her to be completely apathetic about this, I told her to let me know if this girl contacts her again…and if so, I get to step in and do parenting type stuff.  I monitor their online activity very closely and am thankful that my kids come to me with this sort of thing….

But still…there was the lingering word…. Poser.  That really did piss off the old school punk in me

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