Dear Officer: My kid is special. The law doesn't apply to him.

This is rich.

I just received an email from a reader about my column on state and city curfews. You know, those laws that get people between the ages of 16 and 18 off the roads late at night.

Seems at least one Virginia Beach kid keeps a permission slip from his mother in his wallet that says he's allowed to be on the roads after 11 p.m.

Sheesh.

Memo to mom: It doesn't work that way.

While there are exceptions to the Virginia Beach 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. curfew, the fact that you don't like it and think it shouldn't apply to YOUR child doesn't matter.

You can't give your kid permission to knock over a convenience store. You can't give them permission to break this law either.

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Just send it already

Hey, look what came in the mail.

Looks like a couple of census forms, doesn't it?

Well they're not. These are pre-census forms. Both addressed to my house. Both containing letters from Robert M. Groves, Director of the Census Bureau, warning me that within a week a REAL census form will arrive and I better return it right away if I know what's good for me.

But two per household? (My household, anyway.) Our tax dollars at work.

Just another part of the bureau's pre-census publicity spending spree, which came to light with a $2.5 million, 30-second spot during the Super Bowl. Turns out that was just a small part of a $113 million nationwide advertising campaign. The goal of this census blitz? To contact every person 42 times.

Mission accomplished.

Look, we know they're coming. We know we have to fill them out. Just send the forms, already, Mr. Groves. 

I'll take one, please.

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Bottoms up!

Please, oh please, let this be a prelude to the privatization of liquor sales in Virginia. 

I'm talking about the legislation that has passed both chambers of the General Assembly and now awaits the governor's signature to allow state-run ABC stores to offer free "tastings" of wines and spirits.

Not that I have anything against free booze. Quite the opposite. I'm in favor of it.

I do, however, have deep reservations about state employees being paid - with my tax money - to pour it. (And according to this NBC story, these state workers will have to undergo special training in the art of decanting. Cha-ching.)

Think about it. If Virginia liquor sales were privatized all of those Soviet-style ABC stores would go back on the local tax rolls and there would be fierce competition for customers, resulting in competitive prices for consumers.

The only folks who would lose in this gambit would be the proprietors of Washington D.C. liquor stores, who enjoy a booming business from Virginians would know it's worth a trip into the District to save on liquor purchases.

Measures to privatize Virginia liquor sales fell flat this session. There's always next year.

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Take My Breath Away

Not many things leave me speechless.

But this clip of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" host Meredith Vieira geting ready to pounce on Navy pilot Max Shuman of Virginia Beach, is, well, see it for yourself.

One thing's certain. I need to start watching more TV game shows.

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Virginia Governor: Full-time Job

Looks like HB1273 is making progress in the General Assembly.

This is a bill Virginia shouldn't need, but apparently does. It forbids the governor from accepting outside employment during his or her four-year term and expressly prohibits the gov from serving as a national political party chairman.

It basically declares the office of Governor of Virginia to be a full-time job. As I said, this is a law that shouldn't be necessary.

Unfortunately, two Virginia governors in recent years didn't think being chief executive of Virginia required their full attention. During part of his term as governor, Jim Gilmore served as chairman of the Republican National Committee. Then - having learned nothing from one of his predecessor's mistake - Tim Kaine foolishly took on the job of chair of the Democratic National Committee.

Dual roles didn't do either of these guys any favors.

Political party chairmanship doesn't gel well with being governor. Frankly, it's jarring to hear the governor of your state spouting partisan bunk on behalf of political candidates around the country.

And it's fair to ask if Virginia would be dead last nationally in "shovel-ready stimulus road projects" if Tim Kaine hadn't been distracted with political fundraising and doomed Democratic political campaigns in other states during his term.

When Kaine was MIA (on DNC business) during the great Nor'Easter of 2009, I suggested that if the job of Virginia governor wasn't a full-time position, perhaps the people should take back the mansion and some of the other perks that go along with it.

If this bill - patroned by Virginia Beach's Bob Purkey - fails, perhaps another could be crafted, ordering the governor and his family out of the house on the hill if he insists on moonlighting as a paid political hack.

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You know it's cold when...

A Virginia Beach apartment complex tries to entice prospective tenants this way.

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Super Bowl snoozers

It's a good thing the football was so heart-stopping last night. Because the Super Bowl ads were anything but exciting.

In fact at about 8 o'clock it hit me: It's a myth that ads that air during the Super Bowl are the most creative 30-second slots in the world of advertising.

First of all, CBS used too many of the commercial breaks to relentlessly promote it's mediocre programming. But as bad as those self-congratulatory spots were, the paid advertising was much, much worse.

Time and again the folks I was watching the game with - younger than me, incidentally - looked at each other at the conclusion of a commercial and chorused "Whaaaaa?"

Those screaming chickens, for instance. I had to go on the Internet this morning to see what they were selling. Not gonna tell you, either. Why should I give this misguided adverstiser free ink?

Even the writers behind the lovable Miller High Life guy let us down this year. The Doritos ads? Yawn.

But enough negativity. There were a few mildly entertaining moments during the TV time-outs.

My favorites? The Bridgestone killer-whale tire ad (which only made sense to those of us who saw "The Hangover" and loved it) and the Bud Light ad that showed a house built of beer cans.

The winner of the Worst 2010 Super Bowl Ad?

This Census Bureau spot. Not only was it lame. But we helped pay for it.  Watch it again and remind yourself, that this was $2.5 million of our money. Down the Youtube.

www.youtube.com/user/paytonschlewitt

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Snow!!!

You know what they say: Never let a blizzard interfere with your workout!

The Virginia Beach Snowwalk

Seaweed-head snowman on the beach at 37th Street

The always popular police-tape snowman.

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Pass the hand sanitizer

It's back.

TripAdvisor's annual list of the Ten Dirtiest Hotels in America. The kind of publicity the hospitality industry simply cannot - and would not - buy.

Oh my. Looks like Virginia Beach boasts not just one but two hotels in the Big Ten.

That'll have the tourists flocking to town.

TripAdvisor - as best I can tell - is an Internet site that collects consumer reviews of hotels and restaurants. Subjective? You bet.

One person's Roach Motel can be another's Ritz.

Still, an establishment that's showered with glowing reviews from patrons from all over the country may very well be a good bet. Likewise, a joint that's blasted over and over by dissatisfied travelers deserves careful scrutiny.

Sorry to keep you in suspense. Here are the local inns that made the list of shame:

Number Three is the Tropicana Resort Hotel on 17th Street. Of the 173 posted reviews, 86 percent give the place a big thumbs down.

Coming in at Number Four is the Super 8 Virginia Beach on 26th Street. Forty eight folks weighed in and a whopping 88 percent said the place left a lot to be desired.

To be fair, each hotel also received a few postive ratings from guests who enjoyed their stay and thought they received a good value.

Wondering about that top spot?

Drum roll, please: The hotel most in need of maid service, according to TripAdvisor, anyway, is the Heritage Marina Hotel in San Francisco.

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Kaine's parting shot

Nice try, Tim.

Looks like former Gov. Tim Kaine had one final surprise for law-abiding Virginians.

He quietly arranged to transfer a double murderer - serving two life sentences - back to his native Germany. Once there, Jens Soering could be released in as little as two years.

Count on it. Europeans have no stomach for long prison sentences. If they did, the Lockerbie Scotland bomber would be behind bars instead of living in Libya right now.

Gov. Bob McDonnell objects to this bit of lame-duck chicanery. It remains to be seen if he has the power to stop what his predecessor put in motion.

Here's hoping.

I wrote about this particular murderer in a 2007 column headlined,  "Sympathy for lifers? Nope, not on your life."

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