The Liberal Life of a Navy Wife
Vivian is a progressive gal who happened to fall in love with a Navy man. Please join her as she charts her way through the turbulent waters of marriage, kids, politics, spirituality ... hey, you name it, and she'll talk about it. Vivian has degrees in Political Science and Public Relations and has a Masters in Management. She is a Navy veteran and is pursuing her Ph.D. She has 2 boys who she loves dearly even if they are constantly getting icky things like peanut butter and snot in her hair.
Category: Military
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■ 29 June 2009 | 9:44 PM
My military child and the quest for speech therapy
I think I’ve written before that Thing 1 has been taking speech therapy. He’s been getting it through the public school system and should be about to start up his summer session right now. However, because of what I can only describe as a colossal misjudgment on behalf of the school system, I am instead scouring local speech pathology practices in hopes of finding a speech therapist for him. All of them are quoting waiting lists…long waiting lists. At this point, if I could go back in time and pick a specialty, it would have been early childhood speech pathology – no really. If it was something I could physically do, like homeschooling, I would. I feel completely helpless to make sure my son gets the help he needs with his speech…and at a time when he’s going through so many emotions and feelings that he needs to express verbally. And, when Mr. Wonderful isn’t at home to discuss this with (nor do I want to burden him with this worry when he needs all his focus to be on his mission).
Let me back up a bit. Towards the end of the school year, I met with Thing 1’s speech therapist, who has been giving him lessons and works through the school system. Her evaluation was that he needed to continue with 2 sessions a week next year. At the same time, I was told that there weren’t enough spaces for him to participate in the summer maintenance program – where they continue with 1 lesson a week over the summer session. Additionally, after it was found out that he wasn’t attending public school, I was told he didn’t qualify for the 2 sessions a week next year either. Because he is attending private school in the fall, the school system will only provide him with 1 session a week. 1 30-minute session with 4 other children. All this, after an evaluation noted that he needed speech therapy on a continuous and dedicated basis. All delivered without a hint of irony.
Now – the reason for the private school. When we first began the search for pre-school programs in the area, we didn’t qualify for the one given out of the public school near us. After a couple of bad fits we found the Montessori school where he attends now. To make a long story short, I decided not to move him this fall to the elementary school (for Kindergarten) by our house because of my hub’s continuous absence the past year and, again, this year. One of the stable things in Thing 1’s life right now is his school. He loves it. In addition to already understanding his speech patterns (he gets very frustrated when people don’t understand him), his teachers understand his family situation and really cater to his need for special attention. They encourage him to draw pictures to mail daddy, talk about him, and know when he acts out that maybe the best thing they can do is to talk to him about his dad. Now, I know, given time, the same could be said for the school near our house. I have no doubt. However, given everything else going on in his little 5 year-old life, his father and I made the decision to keep him where he is for another year to maintain as much stability as possible for him.
It never occurred to me that I would have to choose between his well-being and his ability to get speech therapy though.
After being informed of the policy by the school system, I checked around. I spent about 2 days on the phone talking to different organizations, state and federal. I really didn’t think what the school system was legal and in accordance with the Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEA 2004). Everyone I talked to – even those with backgrounds and jobs within education – thought that something could be done (even today when I was on the phone trying to find local speech therapy options a few of them told me I should “talk to the school system”). After speaking to the organization that tracks state compliance with federal regulations for disability services, I found out that the school system was in accordance with state regulations. “Parentally placed private school students” waive the right to appeal decisions made by the school system. Even bad ones it seems. And, while the school system can make individual decisions according to student need, that didn’t happen in our case (nor was it even presented as an option – I was told they “don’t have to”).
During the process of appealing to the school system ( I met with the Superintendent’s office and with representatives from the office of Special Education) I also heard from military family friends that I could also go through our medical insurance with Tri-Care (they had also had trouble with their local school district), which thankfully has been a bright light in this struggle. He was quickly evaluated and recommended for services above and beyond what the school system will provide (a note: for Tri-care to give a referral for services the child must also be utilizing services through the public school system). The problem now has become finding a practice that doesn’t have a three month long waiting list.
I know I have only tasted a small portion of what other families struggle with with regard to getting services for their children – whether it be through school systems, insurance companies, medical treatments, etc. I am also extremely grateful that I have Tri-Care to top up what the school system won’t provide. However, the most disappointing aspect of this whole ordeal is the total lack of support I felt from the school system towards military families and the decisions that we make for our children because of their family circumstances. I mean, this state houses one of the highest concentrations of military families in the country. We have the largest naval base in the world here. I got no response from the school district that they had reviewed or taken any of our family’s particular circumstances into consideration. Nothing is noted on any of the paperwork that was filed. I had to sign a document that states, most offensively, “When parents unilaterally place their child with a disability in a private school/home school, their child has limited access to special education and related services…” The phrase “unilaterally place” is so galling to me given the school system’s complete lack of consideration towards our family. The ONLY reason my son isn’t attending public school right now is because his father is deployed for a year and we thought the best thing for him, as a complete little person, was to maximize continuity and minimize change in his life. That isn’t unilateral, that is holistic.
I just wish one person had treated Thing 1 like their own child - had reflected the delicate balance that we deal with as a military family. Switching schools can be traumatic for any child. But add in a deployed dad as well as a speech problem and I’m not willing to take a “just try it and see” mentality. My son deserves better. And, frankly, for the school system to unilaterally decide to limit speech lessons with no input or consideration for special circumstances for the family, is outrageous as well as detrimental to the child.
What about you guys? Has anyone else experienced something along these lines? I felt so isolated and powerless when this first began. Even now, as the weeks pass and he isn’t taking speech lessons I worry about regression or stagnation in his progress. Any suggestions or do you want to share your personal story? I’d love to hear it…maybe we can learn from each other. At the very least it feels good to talk about our feelings, right? Maybe benefit the next family that has to go through this process.
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■ 11 June 2009 | 6:06 PM
Blue Star Families presents a "Summer of Service" program with June 22nd event: Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces
Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces
Summer Kickoff Event
Presented by Blue Star Families
Come celebrate the start of summer at a fun-filled event for military kids!
June 22, 2009
2:00 – 4:00 p.m.
Bayside Elementary School
Your family will have the opportunity to enjoy a book reading from special guests, participate in craft activities, win door prizes, interact with other military families, and learn more about local military family organizations. Each child in attendance will receive a free book of their choice from the Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces program.
This event is open to military children, along with their families and friends. The event is designed for children ages 3-10. All children must be accompanied by an adult.
We kindly request you R.S.V.P. to this event with the number of people attending, so we may arrange enough materials and gift books for each child in attendance. Please e-mail programs@bluestarfam.org by June 21.
Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces donation event and fair for military children, the premiere kick-off event for an ongoing donation program and for the “Summer of Service” program, a White House priority.
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■ 30 May 2009 | 9:57 AM
Military One Source and Spouse Career Advancement Accounts
The Department of Defense is expanding the Military Spouse Career Advancement Accounts -- MyCAA -- for military spouses of active duty and activated Guard and Reserve service members worldwide. MyCAA allows eligible military spouses worldwide to receive up to $6,000 of financial assistance to help pay for licenses, certifications and education in high growth, high demand portable career fields.
Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know about you, but this warms my little academic heart! More military spouses than ever are pursuing higher education, especially with the increase of accredited online campuses which help us as we follow our military member across the world.
This is a wonderful resource to help defray the costs that come with the territory. Hop onto the site and look around. I am pleased to announce I have already completed the process and am using the benefits for my summer session. The whole process took a week to do. Too easy. The only confusing part was figuring out how to get started…you have to create an account. After that, the site leads you through a series of screens where you fill in appropriate information. Additionally, you also have to contact your university’s Finance Office and let them know you have received this funding (there is a document to print out that you can fax/email them). If you have questions, there is a number to call and a counselor will talk you through it.
I highly encourage any milspouses seeking higher education to pursue this source of funding (and pass it on to their friends!). What a great way to support the families of our military members!
ADVISORY: Users are solely responsible for opinions they post here and for following agreed-upon rules of civility. Comments do not reflect the views of The Virginian-Pilot or its Web sites. Comments are automatically checked for inappropriate language, but readers might find some comments offensive or inaccurate. If you believe a comment violates our rules, click the "Report Violation" link below the comment to alert an editor. Update on new comment functions.
■ 21 May 2009 | 12:21 PM
The Price of Peace...and other things...
I have some great links to share today!
First, is a video done by the daughters of a national guard member that has been going crazy through viral and social media channels. Once you watch it, you'll see why. There is a great message there and it really hit home to me as we begin another long deployment of our own.
It is hard to embed items here so I'll give you the youtube link instead.
Also, Blue Star Families co-founder, Kathy Roth-Douquet has written an article for the USA Today about Memorial Day - how it is more than a long weekend. As an organization, BSF seeks to bridge the gap between civilians and military families, knowing that both are strengthened when there is a shared sense of purpose and identity. In fact, did I share with you guys the results for our nationwide survey? We just released the results on capitol hill a week ago. The most shocking (or not) finding was that 94% of the respondents felt like the greater community didn't understand the challenges that today's military familes are facing.
And, finally, I'll share with you a piece I did for The Flagship for their new Spouse Speak! column that reflected upon last month when we dropped Mr. Wonderful off for his year-long vacay to the middle east.
There is a common theme inherent in all of these links - the pride of service...but also the cost of that service. The cost to our children, our families, and our service members, However, the real cost I worry about is the cost to our entire nation if the majority of our citizens aren't thinking about serving some greater good than their own personal wellbeing. If we fail to see how interconnected we are and focus on our differences rather than what we can achieve together. To borrow from a quote from Emerson, we are all standing on the shoulders of giants. No one has gotten to where they are in life by themselves. There are always people, both known and unknown to us, who continually pave the way.
So, when someone asked me the other day how to spend Memorial Day weekend, I thought to myself the best way to show honor to those who have served and continue to do is by taking a cue from what drives them. Honor them by giving back in your own community. Don't just go to a parade (though I love doing that myself!) but go the step further and write an email to ask how someone you know is doing, bring dinner to the local Fire Station, or offer to sign up to babysit for your local FRG meeting. There are many types of ways to show you care and the best ways are the most personal in nature.
As I study related issues through my PhD program - volunteerism, public service, civic engagement - I am amazed at how personally vested I feel when reading dusty journal articles that might not resonate so much with me if I weren't on the lookout for such topics and research. I keep waiting to become that jaded, cynical oldster that my dad says I will eventually become. It hasn't happened yet. I knew that the second the Price of Peace started playing. Unlike the popular quote, I don't believe familiarity breeds contempt. I think it breeds empathy and understanding. And that makes this a better world to live in.
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■ 18 May 2009 | 9:07 PM
Build-A-Sign - military discount
I wrote awhile ago about our homecoming experience in February, when Mr. Wonderful came home after being overseas for a year-long billet. I had heard about this sign company where it was free to order a homecoming sign for a military member and used them to make the following sign:
While getting all four kids who came to the airport with us to look at the camera at the same time was definitely the hardest part of the process, ordering the sign would definitely qualify as the easiest (and yeah, looking at it now, I realize I could have spiced it up a bit more with a picture or graphic or something!).
So, when I got this information from Build-a-Sign, I wanted to pass it on for them.
BuildASign.com, a generous company that has been supporting our Nation’s Troops for the past year. They have already donated over 20,000 welcome home banners to military families and they want to continue their support of the military community in the future. They also proudly display welcome home stories and pictures from military families on their website. If you or someone you know needs a sign or banner, please tell them to buy from BuildASign.com.
BuildASign.com is offering us a special 25% off all of their products through the end of June to help them continue their support of our troops. I hope you will help support this company that has done so much for military families around the country.25% Off All Products at BuildASign.com (If this link does not work, you can use the promo code NEWFRIENDS09 to get 25% off your order at checkout.)
ADVISORY: Users are solely responsible for opinions they post here and for following agreed-upon rules of civility. Comments do not reflect the views of The Virginian-Pilot or its Web sites. Comments are automatically checked for inappropriate language, but readers might find some comments offensive or inaccurate. If you believe a comment violates our rules, click the "Report Violation" link below the comment to alert an editor. Update on new comment functions.
■ 26 April 2009 | 6:58 PM
More on the Military Spouse Residency Relief Act - get up to DC!
Some new information:
Senate Bill 475, the Military Spouses Residency Relief Act which provides the option of a home state to Military Spouses will be heard in Senate hearing:
Date: April 29, 2009
Location: Senate Office Building Dirksen, Room 562
Time: Estimated time is 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. ( we are waiting on the final agenda for time confirmation and this will be posted on the Facebook site)
Please allow 30 minutes to walk from the Metro South stop and get through security.
As Military Spouses in the Virginia area, it would be helpful if interested members could attend the hearing. In a a sense you would be representing spouses across the United States who think this change is long overdue. You can see more about the bill and the many supportive spouses who are taking action on behalf of all of us:
Military Spouses Residency Relief Act Coalition, Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Military-Spouses-Residency-Relief-Act/51457362
ADVISORY: Users are solely responsible for opinions they post here and for following agreed-upon rules of civility. Comments do not reflect the views of The Virginian-Pilot or its Web sites. Comments are automatically checked for inappropriate language, but readers might find some comments offensive or inaccurate. If you believe a comment violates our rules, click the "Report Violation" link below the comment to alert an editor. Update on new comment functions.
■ 24 April 2009 | 10:21 AM
National Service News - Serve America Act
“This week President Barack Obama made good on a promise he announced in his first address to Congress. By signing the Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act, he created 175,000 new AmeriCorps positions. The bill will pay Americans for a year of fulltime national or community service. Most would be enlisted to address three national challenges: the high school dropout crisis, energy conservation and health services.
The administration, however, needs a broader civic renewal agenda. Congress could invite a million citizen to exchange views on an issue like health care and then hold hearings on the results. In a 2008 poll by the National Conference on Citizenship, 80 percent of Americans supported this idea.”
Peter Levine, director of CIRCLE (The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement)
I got this from the Punditry section of the Virginian-Pilot today.
I agree with the sentiment as well. I’m gladdened to see this type of engagement from the White House. I look forward to more discussions on this topic. Sociologists generally ascribe to the belief that humans have good intentions towards others, that the desire to good is normally distributed among the population. What isn’t normally distributed are the resources to fulfill those desires. And actually, our ability to participate in our communities, in our ability to build the social capital that is so necessary for healthy communities, is limited by the lack of resources. So any program, government or private, that seeks to engage the broader public, to create and maintain those networks, is a positive occurrence in my opinion.
Thumbs up!
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■ 15 April 2009 | 1:54 PM
Deployment Countdown
This is the last full week before Mr. Wonderful deploys again. He’ll be taking one of those new Navy GSAs to Iraq. Since he just got home a scant 2 months ago from being overseas for a year, you can imagine the sense of urgency we had to get things done around the house before he leaves again. So far he’s pressure-washed the driveway, re-hung our “treeface” person whose mouth (which doubles as a birdfeeder) fell down sometime last year. He’s serviced both cars, changed the filters, painted the laundry room doors, and…oh, he’s built another room on back of the house so our crib lizards can have a playroom. Yep, I’ve kept that poor man busy.
Since we are now in official countdown mode, every little thing is taking on more significance. This is the “last time” we’ll order pizza before daddy leaves, says Thing 1. And, the roughhousing I witness daily between Mr. Wonderful and our two boys has literally brought me to tears these last couple of days. I’m a little embarrassed to admit I broke down when we came across Tom Petty’s “Won’t Back Down” video on TV last night, which really has nothing to do with anything but the message is so just…I don’t know, something got to me. So, we’ll wind down this week like we have before. It gets a little more poignant as the boys get older and understand more about what is going on. Thing 1 is affected more now, especially now that he’s learned to count – the concept of time is more real to him. Sometimes I wish it weren’t. There is no more,
“Will daddy be home Tuesday?”
“No, honey, he’ll be home by your birthday.”
“OK, I’ll save some of this cookie for him to eat tomorrow.”
Now, he knows exactly how many Skittles equals a month and how many months equals a year. That is a lot of candy – even for candy-lovers like us. Always, right before he leaves and right before he comes home, I am reminded of that song by SheDaisy where they sing, “…so I’ll wait my turn until it’s our turn to dance…”
And, regardless of which side of the deployment I’m on, I feel a sense of comfort knowing I am in the company of other strong women who have done the same and will continue to do so.
What can I say? It’s our turn to dance again.
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■ 01 April 2009 | 12:37 PM
Farm Team hosts gubernatorial debate - Andrea Mitchell will moderate
Wow!
NBC News correspondent Andrea Mitchell has agreed to moderate the Farm Team's gubernatorial debate on Sunday, April 19th in Williamsburg. Democratic candidates Creigh Deeds, Terry McAuliffe, and Brian Moran have all confirmed their participation.
I hope to make the debate as I am currently undecided. I just haven't heard enough from any one of them to make a decision. I do feel that any one of them could represent my interests and wishes as Virginia's governor over McDonnell.
On a related note, I have been somewhat disturbed from the viciousness that seems to be surrounding - get this - not any one particular candidate's statements, but those that are coming from the blogs, mouths, and emails of their supporters. I take a long range view of politics, remembering that we will all need to rally around our eventual candidate in the general election. I don't think these sleazy, backroom one-upmanships in mudthrowing raise the level of discourse one iota and I think it has had an effect on my interest in getting involved thus far.
I do applaud the Farm Team for providing the forum to hear from all three candidates. Pretty cool!
ADVISORY: Users are solely responsible for opinions they post here and for following agreed-upon rules of civility. Comments do not reflect the views of The Virginian-Pilot or its Web sites. Comments are automatically checked for inappropriate language, but readers might find some comments offensive or inaccurate. If you believe a comment violates our rules, click the "Report Violation" link below the comment to alert an editor. Update on new comment functions.
■ 31 March 2009 | 11:11 PM
Women Veterans Health Improvement Act of 2009
Senator Patty Murray, (D-WA), a senior member of the Senate Veterans’ Affairs Committee, has introduced bi-partisan legislation to prepare the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) for the influx of women veterans who will access care there in the coming years.
According to her office’s press release the bill, named the Women Veterans Health Improvement Act of 2009, will, “address unique needs of women veterans, provide improved care for Military Sexual Trauma, and explore the effects service in Iraq and Afghanistan has had on female veterans.”
Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX) is the lead co-sponsor of the legislation.
“Women have stepped up to serve at unprecedented levels,” said Senator Murray. “Which means the VA is now faced with unprecedented challenges in caring for them as they return home. This bill addresses the unique challenges women face by providing specialized care for the visible and invisible wounds of war. As more women begin to transition home, and step back into lives as mothers, wives, and citizens, the VA must be there for them.”
Dave Gorman, Executive Director of Disable American Veterans (DAV) said, “While significant progress has been made in recent years to remove institutional barriers that often discourage women veterans from seeking assistance at VA facilities, more needs to be done.”
Co-sponsors of the bill include Senators Jay Rockefeller (D-WV), Barbara Mikulski (D-MD), Barbara Boxer (D-CA), Olympia Snowe (R-ME), Ron Wyden (D-OR), Tim Johnson (D-SD), Susan Collins (R-ME), Blanche Lincoln (D-AR), Debbie Stabenow (D-MI), Lisa Murkowski (D-AK), Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) and Sherrod Brown (D-OH).
Among other things, the legislation will:
· Require the VA to implement a program to train, educate, and certify VA mental health professionals to care for women with sexual trauma
· Require the VA Secretary to conduct a comprehensive assessment of the barriers women are facing in accessing care at the VA.
· Authorize a report to Congress on the effects the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have had on the physical, mental, and reproductive health of women who have served there.
· Require the VA to begin a pilot program that provides child care to women veterans that seek mental health care services at the VA.
· Require the VA to begin a pilot program that provides readjustment counseling to women veterans in group retreat settings.
For Detailed Information on the Women Veterans Health Improvement Act of 2009 visit: http://murray.senate.gov/veterans/women-vets-2009.pdf
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