The Liberal Life of a Navy Wife
Join Vivian as she chronicles her modern day military family. She and her husband have two little boys (often referred to as Thing 1 and Thing 2 because of their resemblance to the Dr. Seuss characters), who enjoy peanut butter, frogs and air shows. Vivian enjoys writing about her experiences in a military family because, let’s face it, you just can’t make this stuff up!
Category: Military Family
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■ 06 September 2009 | 9:00 AM
Military Kid Apparel - What's the Scoop?
Question for all our military families in the area.
Where do you go (besides the base) - either locally or online - to get your military kid gear? With Thing 1 rapidly approaching "scary" rollercoaster height, most of his "Wing It!" and "Future Aviator" t-shirts are transitioning to Thing 2's closet. Obviously, this is causing the fur to fly (literally, the cat hair on the family room floor - yes, that should have been vacuumed already, mom - starts swirling around) whenever Thing 1 sees his beloved castoffs being put in his brother's folded clothes stack.
So, in an attempt to keep the peace and allow Thing 1 to express his military kid pride, I am searching online for some quality t-shirts with military themes. Some of the best t-shirts I bought down in Corpus Christi, a home-based operation that set up shop at air-shows and winging events…does anyone do that here in Norfolk? Or, have you found some little piece of the internet that satisfies your own “Future Aviator, Submariner, SWO, Suppo,…?” I did get two very authentic-looking flight suits from Flyboys (www.flyboys.com) which they absolutely love. I haven’t had much luck other than that though
So, please. Leave a comment with your favorite store to buy military apparel for your kids. I’ll go vacuum the family room while I wait ;-)
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■ 31 August 2009 | 11:42 AM
Voter Registration Questions for Military Families
An information request from Blue Star Families:
Frustrated by Having to Register to VOTE Every Time You Move? Tell Us All About It!
Blue Star Families wants to identify the special challenges that military members and their families face when struggling to vote and fully participate in our government. Help us by completing the BSF Voter Registration survey. We are interested in knowing:
- How often you have had to register to vote?
- What kinds of problems you have had voting – either in person or via absentee?
- Why aren’t you registered to vote?
We want to share our military family stories with key policy makers and we need your assistance. It will take fewer than 10 minutes for you to complete the online survey. PLEASE DO IT TODAY!
Blue Star Families is a non-profit, non-partisan organization dedicated to Supporting, Connecting and Empowering military families. Please visit us at www.BlueStarFam.org
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■ 23 July 2009 | 9:46 AM
The Sisterhood of the Traveling BDUs - two California military teens get organized!
My friend who volunteers with IA/GSA spouses here locally sent me this link to a story on NPR about two military teens.
"The high school girls, who will start their senior year in the fall, have decided to do something that nobody has done before — not Pentagon officials, not governors, not mayors (at least, NPR can't find a record of it). They are trying to organize the first major get-together for the children, specifically daughters, of troops who have gone to war."
Leave it to military brats (and their ingenuity!) to organize their own support group. We constantly hear that as military spouses we must be proactive and self-reliant. Is it any wonder, with such role models, that our children are wont to do the same? Good on em!
In case you want to support their cause, the NPR staff put this information up at the bottom of the page:
To everyone who has commented asking for ways to financially support the Sisterhood of the Traveling BDUs:
You may send a certified check, made out to "California (CA) Military Department (Dept)" -- with the letters "MWR" in the memo line -- to:
Stephanie Breaker Sisterhood of the Traveling BDU's Box 37 CA National Guard J1 9800 Goethe Rd Sacramento, CA 95827
Also, if anyone would like to get something like this started here, leave a comment and we'll see what we can come up with together!
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■ 19 July 2009 | 3:20 PM
How to OD on Sappy Love Songs While Your Spouse is Deployed
It started when I was visiting my in-laws for the wedding of one of my husband’s cousins. When my mother and father-in-law went to the rehearsal dinner, I stayed at their house with Thing 1 and Thing 2. I had planned to work on reading a mountain of journal articles I was behind on for school after they went to bed.
After I got them tucked in, and settled in for some heavy reading, I decided to treat myself to some light music. I logged on to iTunes and went about picking a album to listen to when I remembered a kinda sappy romantic song I’d heard on the radio on the drive up. Knowing only the title, “Longer,” I searched for it and came up with Dan Fogelberg. Quickly, I downloaded it.
It was a downward spiral from there.
With the help of the “Genuis” feature, which very obligingly suggested other songs I might like according to what I was listening to currently, it was only too easy to download about 30 other must-have sappy love songs. I got sentimental about the young couple getting married the next day and remembered taking my own vows with Mr. Wonderful - which seem so long ago now. I wondered what their first dance would be, remembering my own was “When I Fall in Love” by Natalie Cole. I found myself immersed in a series of 80’s soft rock songs wherein I renewed my long forgotten love of Phil Collins, Michael Bolton, and Peter Cetera.
I thought about when we were dating long distance when Mr. Wonderful was in flight school and I was in supply school and I always listened to “Wouldn’t it Be Nice,” by the Beach Boys when he left. Forget living together, living in the same state would have been a luxury at that point. I revisit that song every so often now when he’s deployed.
I also found the old beloved “Leaving on a Jet Plane,” which, in a quirky fluke of fate, played on the radio on the way home the very first time I dropped him off for a deployment.
I went through a veritable rabbit hole of music anthology with a little push from “Genius,” ferreting out long forgotten songs by Huey Lewis as well as current hits like “Come on Get Higher” which describe my feelings better than I could ever put in words. And, in such a simpering, emotion-filled, over the top way…I just can’t resist.
The only thing that stopped me was his parents’ return and the ensuing discussion of my new-found treasures (or obsession, whatever you want to call it). My mother-in-law and I then had a fun discussion of what songs she played at her own wedding as well as other love songs we like – she’s a Joni Mitchell fan.
Since then, I admit, I have been playing this new concoction of gushy loveydoveyness practically non-stop. I don’t know why it makes me feel better, but it does. I’m calling it my deployment soundtrack. Listening to these carefully picked songs reaffirms and sets free emotion that I tamp down during the day so that I can get through what needs to be done to function. It allows me to revel in the relationship we have built that withstands these long periods of separation. Allows me to think romantic thoughts, reflect on happy times, and think about the entire lifetime we have together. Which, happily enough, puts perspective on this whole being-gone-for-a-year thing.
Call me lame, sentimental, corny – even maudlin.
I’ll still let you see my download list if you want ;-)
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■ 10 July 2009 | 9:31 PM
"The Christmas That You Missed" - A Salute to Hampton Roads' Military Families
What a great idea! Thanks to Fleet and Family Support Center for passing this information on:
97.3 The Eagle, Alion Science & Technology, and the USO of Hampton Roads are giving military families who were not together at Christmas due to deployment their own special "Christmas" together at Ocean Breeze Water park.
Dinner will be catered by mobile Pig-Nic Catering, Santa will be there for photos, and the families will be able to play and swim in the Buccaneer Bay! Plus, a LIVE PERFORMANCE on the "VAULT" Stage from Stoney Creek Records newcomer, Megan Mullins!
Surfing Santa Date: Wednesday, July 22nd
Time: 6-10pm
Where: Ocean Breeze Water park
General Booth Blvd., Virginia Beach
The event is free for military personnel deployed during the holidays and their families.
To register or for more information, go to 97.3 The Eagles website.
Note: Must show military ID at the gate.
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■ 29 June 2009 | 9:44 PM
My military child and the quest for speech therapy
I think I’ve written before that Thing 1 has been taking speech therapy. He’s been getting it through the public school system and should be about to start up his summer session right now. However, because of what I can only describe as a colossal misjudgment on behalf of the school system, I am instead scouring local speech pathology practices in hopes of finding a speech therapist for him. All of them are quoting waiting lists…long waiting lists. At this point, if I could go back in time and pick a specialty, it would have been early childhood speech pathology – no really. If it was something I could physically do, like homeschooling, I would. I feel completely helpless to make sure my son gets the help he needs with his speech…and at a time when he’s going through so many emotions and feelings that he needs to express verbally. And, when Mr. Wonderful isn’t at home to discuss this with (nor do I want to burden him with this worry when he needs all his focus to be on his mission).
Let me back up a bit. Towards the end of the school year, I met with Thing 1’s speech therapist, who has been giving him lessons and works through the school system. Her evaluation was that he needed to continue with 2 sessions a week next year. At the same time, I was told that there weren’t enough spaces for him to participate in the summer maintenance program – where they continue with 1 lesson a week over the summer session. Additionally, after it was found out that he wasn’t attending public school, I was told he didn’t qualify for the 2 sessions a week next year either. Because he is attending private school in the fall, the school system will only provide him with 1 session a week. 1 30-minute session with 4 other children. All this, after an evaluation noted that he needed speech therapy on a continuous and dedicated basis. All delivered without a hint of irony.
Now – the reason for the private school. When we first began the search for pre-school programs in the area, we didn’t qualify for the one given out of the public school near us. After a couple of bad fits we found the Montessori school where he attends now. To make a long story short, I decided not to move him this fall to the elementary school (for Kindergarten) by our house because of my hub’s continuous absence the past year and, again, this year. One of the stable things in Thing 1’s life right now is his school. He loves it. In addition to already understanding his speech patterns (he gets very frustrated when people don’t understand him), his teachers understand his family situation and really cater to his need for special attention. They encourage him to draw pictures to mail daddy, talk about him, and know when he acts out that maybe the best thing they can do is to talk to him about his dad. Now, I know, given time, the same could be said for the school near our house. I have no doubt. However, given everything else going on in his little 5 year-old life, his father and I made the decision to keep him where he is for another year to maintain as much stability as possible for him.
It never occurred to me that I would have to choose between his well-being and his ability to get speech therapy though.
After being informed of the policy by the school system, I checked around. I spent about 2 days on the phone talking to different organizations, state and federal. I really didn’t think what the school system was legal and in accordance with the Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEA 2004). Everyone I talked to – even those with backgrounds and jobs within education – thought that something could be done (even today when I was on the phone trying to find local speech therapy options a few of them told me I should “talk to the school system”). After speaking to the organization that tracks state compliance with federal regulations for disability services, I found out that the school system was in accordance with state regulations. “Parentally placed private school students” waive the right to appeal decisions made by the school system. Even bad ones it seems. And, while the school system can make individual decisions according to student need, that didn’t happen in our case (nor was it even presented as an option – I was told they “don’t have to”).
During the process of appealing to the school system ( I met with the Superintendent’s office and with representatives from the office of Special Education) I also heard from military family friends that I could also go through our medical insurance with Tri-Care (they had also had trouble with their local school district), which thankfully has been a bright light in this struggle. He was quickly evaluated and recommended for services above and beyond what the school system will provide (a note: for Tri-care to give a referral for services the child must also be utilizing services through the public school system). The problem now has become finding a practice that doesn’t have a three month long waiting list.
I know I have only tasted a small portion of what other families struggle with with regard to getting services for their children – whether it be through school systems, insurance companies, medical treatments, etc. I am also extremely grateful that I have Tri-Care to top up what the school system won’t provide. However, the most disappointing aspect of this whole ordeal is the total lack of support I felt from the school system towards military families and the decisions that we make for our children because of their family circumstances. I mean, this state houses one of the highest concentrations of military families in the country. We have the largest naval base in the world here. I got no response from the school district that they had reviewed or taken any of our family’s particular circumstances into consideration. Nothing is noted on any of the paperwork that was filed. I had to sign a document that states, most offensively, “When parents unilaterally place their child with a disability in a private school/home school, their child has limited access to special education and related services…” The phrase “unilaterally place” is so galling to me given the school system’s complete lack of consideration towards our family. The ONLY reason my son isn’t attending public school right now is because his father is deployed for a year and we thought the best thing for him, as a complete little person, was to maximize continuity and minimize change in his life. That isn’t unilateral, that is holistic.
I just wish one person had treated Thing 1 like their own child - had reflected the delicate balance that we deal with as a military family. Switching schools can be traumatic for any child. But add in a deployed dad as well as a speech problem and I’m not willing to take a “just try it and see” mentality. My son deserves better. And, frankly, for the school system to unilaterally decide to limit speech lessons with no input or consideration for special circumstances for the family, is outrageous as well as detrimental to the child.
What about you guys? Has anyone else experienced something along these lines? I felt so isolated and powerless when this first began. Even now, as the weeks pass and he isn’t taking speech lessons I worry about regression or stagnation in his progress. Any suggestions or do you want to share your personal story? I’d love to hear it…maybe we can learn from each other. At the very least it feels good to talk about our feelings, right? Maybe benefit the next family that has to go through this process.
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■ 11 June 2009 | 6:06 PM
Blue Star Families presents a "Summer of Service" program with June 22nd event: Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces
Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces
Summer Kickoff Event
Presented by Blue Star Families
Come celebrate the start of summer at a fun-filled event for military kids!
June 22, 2009
2:00 – 4:00 p.m.
Bayside Elementary School
Your family will have the opportunity to enjoy a book reading from special guests, participate in craft activities, win door prizes, interact with other military families, and learn more about local military family organizations. Each child in attendance will receive a free book of their choice from the Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces program.
This event is open to military children, along with their families and friends. The event is designed for children ages 3-10. All children must be accompanied by an adult.
We kindly request you R.S.V.P. to this event with the number of people attending, so we may arrange enough materials and gift books for each child in attendance. Please e-mail programs@bluestarfam.org by June 21.
Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces donation event and fair for military children, the premiere kick-off event for an ongoing donation program and for the “Summer of Service” program, a White House priority.
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■ 30 May 2009 | 9:57 AM
Military One Source and Spouse Career Advancement Accounts
The Department of Defense is expanding the Military Spouse Career Advancement Accounts -- MyCAA -- for military spouses of active duty and activated Guard and Reserve service members worldwide. MyCAA allows eligible military spouses worldwide to receive up to $6,000 of financial assistance to help pay for licenses, certifications and education in high growth, high demand portable career fields.
Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know about you, but this warms my little academic heart! More military spouses than ever are pursuing higher education, especially with the increase of accredited online campuses which help us as we follow our military member across the world.
This is a wonderful resource to help defray the costs that come with the territory. Hop onto the site and look around. I am pleased to announce I have already completed the process and am using the benefits for my summer session. The whole process took a week to do. Too easy. The only confusing part was figuring out how to get started…you have to create an account. After that, the site leads you through a series of screens where you fill in appropriate information. Additionally, you also have to contact your university’s Finance Office and let them know you have received this funding (there is a document to print out that you can fax/email them). If you have questions, there is a number to call and a counselor will talk you through it.
I highly encourage any milspouses seeking higher education to pursue this source of funding (and pass it on to their friends!). What a great way to support the families of our military members!
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■ 21 May 2009 | 12:21 PM
The Price of Peace...and other things...
I have some great links to share today!
First, is a video done by the daughters of a national guard member that has been going crazy through viral and social media channels. Once you watch it, you'll see why. There is a great message there and it really hit home to me as we begin another long deployment of our own.
It is hard to embed items here so I'll give you the youtube link instead.
Also, Blue Star Families co-founder, Kathy Roth-Douquet has written an article for the USA Today about Memorial Day - how it is more than a long weekend. As an organization, BSF seeks to bridge the gap between civilians and military families, knowing that both are strengthened when there is a shared sense of purpose and identity. In fact, did I share with you guys the results for our nationwide survey? We just released the results on capitol hill a week ago. The most shocking (or not) finding was that 94% of the respondents felt like the greater community didn't understand the challenges that today's military familes are facing.
And, finally, I'll share with you a piece I did for The Flagship for their new Spouse Speak! column that reflected upon last month when we dropped Mr. Wonderful off for his year-long vacay to the middle east.
There is a common theme inherent in all of these links - the pride of service...but also the cost of that service. The cost to our children, our families, and our service members, However, the real cost I worry about is the cost to our entire nation if the majority of our citizens aren't thinking about serving some greater good than their own personal wellbeing. If we fail to see how interconnected we are and focus on our differences rather than what we can achieve together. To borrow from a quote from Emerson, we are all standing on the shoulders of giants. No one has gotten to where they are in life by themselves. There are always people, both known and unknown to us, who continually pave the way.
So, when someone asked me the other day how to spend Memorial Day weekend, I thought to myself the best way to show honor to those who have served and continue to do is by taking a cue from what drives them. Honor them by giving back in your own community. Don't just go to a parade (though I love doing that myself!) but go the step further and write an email to ask how someone you know is doing, bring dinner to the local Fire Station, or offer to sign up to babysit for your local FRG meeting. There are many types of ways to show you care and the best ways are the most personal in nature.
As I study related issues through my PhD program - volunteerism, public service, civic engagement - I am amazed at how personally vested I feel when reading dusty journal articles that might not resonate so much with me if I weren't on the lookout for such topics and research. I keep waiting to become that jaded, cynical oldster that my dad says I will eventually become. It hasn't happened yet. I knew that the second the Price of Peace started playing. Unlike the popular quote, I don't believe familiarity breeds contempt. I think it breeds empathy and understanding. And that makes this a better world to live in.
ADVISORY: Users are solely responsible for opinions they post here and for following agreed-upon rules of civility. Comments do not reflect the views of The Virginian-Pilot or its Web sites. Comments are automatically checked for inappropriate language, but readers might find some comments offensive or inaccurate. If you believe a comment violates our rules, click the "Report Violation" link below the comment.
■ 18 May 2009 | 9:07 PM
Build-A-Sign - military discount
I wrote awhile ago about our homecoming experience in February, when Mr. Wonderful came home after being overseas for a year-long billet. I had heard about this sign company where it was free to order a homecoming sign for a military member and used them to make the following sign:
While getting all four kids who came to the airport with us to look at the camera at the same time was definitely the hardest part of the process, ordering the sign would definitely qualify as the easiest (and yeah, looking at it now, I realize I could have spiced it up a bit more with a picture or graphic or something!).
So, when I got this information from Build-a-Sign, I wanted to pass it on for them.
BuildASign.com, a generous company that has been supporting our Nation’s Troops for the past year. They have already donated over 20,000 welcome home banners to military families and they want to continue their support of the military community in the future. They also proudly display welcome home stories and pictures from military families on their website. If you or someone you know needs a sign or banner, please tell them to buy from BuildASign.com.
BuildASign.com is offering us a special 25% off all of their products through the end of June to help them continue their support of our troops. I hope you will help support this company that has done so much for military families around the country.25% Off All Products at BuildASign.com (If this link does not work, you can use the promo code NEWFRIENDS09 to get 25% off your order at checkout.)
ADVISORY: Users are solely responsible for opinions they post here and for following agreed-upon rules of civility. Comments do not reflect the views of The Virginian-Pilot or its Web sites. Comments are automatically checked for inappropriate language, but readers might find some comments offensive or inaccurate. If you believe a comment violates our rules, click the "Report Violation" link below the comment.
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