Editor's note: Beginning Monday, June 8, 2009, Kerry Dougherty's columns will be available only in The Virginian-Pilot newspaper. Read more about this decision.   Let me begin by saying that I don't want to hurt your feelings. Honest. While I never worry about offending public officials, I do try to avoid beating up on friends.

Editor's note: Beginning Monday, June 8, 2009, Kerry Dougherty's columns will be available only in The Virginian-Pilot newspaper. Read more about this decision.   Ever wonder why the notoriously camera-shy Norfolk City Council balks at televising its informal supper sessions? Hint: It has nothing to do with table manners.

Sooner or later, it happens to every baby boomer. A glance in the mirror results in a gasp. Not only does the creature staring back bear an uncanny resemblance to Mom or Dad, but in that same instant, the boomer realizes it's too late. Too late to be a jockey. A pro golfer. An Olympian. Too late to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, supermodel, stunt man, flight attendant or Hooters waitress.

During dozens of trips to the DMV, I've wanted to do all sorts of things. Smiling wasn't one of them.

Oh look. "The Class of 2009" wants me at their commencement exercises. Every day seems to bring another invite to yet another high school graduation. And each time I stare at a sea of flat hats I wonder the same thing: How many of these graduates are really educated?

Knock, knock. Don't look now, but that could be the Norfolk real estate assessor at your door. Not content with merely taking a gander at the exterior of your abode, and factoring in building permits and sales of comparable houses, Deborah Bunn and her lieutenants want to snoop around inside to determine your castle's worth.

The shark wore a suit. Worked in a bank. And was circling my kid. It was last August. A month before the financial meltdown. I watched as a bank employee tried to persuade a person with no income - zero, nada, none - to get a credit card. That unemployed person was my teenage daughter, just days away from her first semester of college.

Don't you think that once a city's been slapped around by the state Supreme Court over an unconstitutional law, its politicians would exercise special care in crafting a replacement? Obviously, you don't know Virginia Beach very well.

Five hours after he donned his cap and gown - and long after most of his ODU classmates had casually shed theirs - William Mayom, oblivious to Saturday's heat, was still wearing his graduation gear. Adjusting his mortarboard, Mayom, 27, posed for picture after picture with other young men with lilting accents. Who were all these guys?

I wish they'd just go away. John and Elizabeth Edwards, America's most gothic couple. The former senator should for swear all public appearances and promise weary Americans that they'll never again have to gaze upon his blow-dried countenance. And his wife? Well, she ought to try to recover her dignity.