Beginning Monday, June 15, 2009, editorial writers' columns will appear only in The Virginian-Pilot newspaper.  Read more about this decision.   I don't know if the Smithsonian would be interested, or if there's even room to squeeze another building onto the Mall. But I think it's time for a museum commemorating the many inventive ways that public officials spend tax dollars.

When I receive a missive from my credit card company explaining the latest changes to "our" terms of agreement, I have a ritual. I remove my glasses, hold the teensy print close to my nose, squint mightily and bellow, "Yeah, but what's this mean for my right to carry a gun into my friendly neighborhood national park and/or wildlife refuge?"

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. And I'm not blaming this on President Obama. I just think it's an interesting coincidence." - Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn.  

A few questions and answers about the economy...  

In recent days, many of our nation's greatest minds and precision moral compasses - plus Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney - have been debating the propriety of the Bush administration's "enhanced interrogation program." If, perchance, you'd like a reprieve from parsing and reparsing the merits and demerits of waterboarding, sleep deprivation and inquisition-by-insect, read closely.

RIIING. RIIING. "Hello?" "Collect call from Area 51. Will you accept," "Uh, I suppose so." "Hello, there!" "Who is this, please?" "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. National security and all that. I was hoping you could do me a favor."

For days now, I've been standing rather sheepishly amid an angry mob of American taxpayers, awkwardly shifting my pitchfork from hand to hand, unsure what I'm supposed to do with it when I'm not waving it in the air.
Now, at last, I know.

Pig poo, encased in acrylic. An unpleasant image, yes. But it just might save taxpayers a little money - and rescue a struggling industry, too. Like many of you, I watched from a safe distance as Congress wallowed through a $410 billion spending bill that included roughly 8,000 earmarks.

Leave it to the dullards at the IRS to scrub all of the romance out of the Swiss bank account. I've never had one, of course, but I've always imagined what a grand and elegant experience it must be just to open an account.

Our jovial neighbor in North Carolina, Blackwater Worldwide, has endured quite a few rounds of ridicule since announcing it's changing its name. The private security firm - founded by Erik Prince, a former Navy SEAL and heir to an auto-parts fortune - has followed the footsteps of the Artist Formerly Known as Prince and chosen a bit of a head-scratcher for a new name.