Election Night

Call it a columnist's conundrum.

Political pundits were predicting a quick and decisive outcome in Virginia's elections Tuesday, which meant there was no time to shuttle between party headquarters in Richmond on Election Night.

Hmmmm. Did we want to be with the happy people? Or the sad ones?

Actually that was an easy decision. You see, a very long time ago, this journalist was assigned to cover the Oliver North "victory" party after his bid for the U.S. Senate. Cranky didn't begin to describe the mood in that morose room. Funereal was more like it.

So, off to the Marriott we went.

The mood there was, well, crowded. And happy.  

Even for the press. And here's a Where's Waldo moment: Can you find Fox News' Carl Cameron?

 You have to give the crowd something while they wait for the other side to concede. In Richmond, it was party chair Michael Steele.

 And Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour.

Former Congresswoman Thelma Drake was watching the returns in a corridor outside of the main room. Yes, the TV did seem to be tuned to Fox News.

And, if you're wondering why this photo is cropped in such an abrupt way, it's because I believe strongly in women's rights. The right of a woman to never have her derriere photographed and published on a blog, that is.

While we're in the corridor, it's worth showing the lavish spread that was arrayed for the hungry Republicans. Yes that is a tower of potato chips, a sign that a new austerity may already be gripping Richmond.

Finally, with the returns in and the Democrats conceding, it was time for the big event. As luck would have it, the press was relegated to the very back of the steamy room. And this 6'6" (OK, maybe he was just 5'6") joker was standing right in front of me,

Not to worry. Moments later I was wracked by the tubercular coughing that's plagued me all week. Miraculously, the disgusted crowd parted for a moment, giving me a clear shot of Governor-elect Bob McDonnell surrounded by his family and suppprters.

And yes, a real photographer would have managed to get the money shot without a silhouette of a raised fist in the frame.

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Heavy metal has heart

Not judging here, but Metallica is not a band usually associated with good deeds and generous public spirit. (True, band members may have been engaged in many acts of charity and kindness, point is, it's not part of the public's perception.)

So kudos to the band for adding $50,000 to the $100,000 in reward money already being offered by the family of missing Virginia Tech student Morgan Dana Harrington. Beyond that, the musicians are pleading for information about Harrington's whereabouts on their website, in a posting headlined, "One of Our Fans Is Missing."

In it, Metallica asks Charlottesville concertgoers to review their videos and photos to see if anyone fitting Harrington's description might be there. Good idea.

By now you've heard, the 20 year old vanished last Saturday night at a Metallica concert in Charlottesville. Her purse and cell phone were found in the parking lot of the John Paul Jones Arena. There were reports that she may have been seen walking along a nearby bridge at about 9:30 p.m.

After that, nothing.

State and local police are investigating. Visit www.findmorgan.com for updates and information on the missing student. 

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The Wrestling Wrens?

We all know the world is run by C students.

So, on behalf of everyone with a slightly embarrassing academic record, I offer this delicious nugget:

The College of William and Mary continues its desperate search for a mascot.

Yep, this elite institution, brimming over with brainiacs, can't find a suitable costumed character to lead cheers on the sidelines during football games.

C'mon, Tribe. All those smarts and still no cute or ironic mascot?

Just how brainy are W+M undergrads? Well, the Princeton Review rates William and Mary one of the most selective schools in the country. The college rating organization gave the Williamsburg university a selectivity rating of 98, just one notch below Harvard. The average high school GPA of entering freshmen, again according to PR, is 4.0.

In other words, the closest most of our underachieving offspring will come to William and Mary will be as part of a guided tour holding Williamsburg Patriot Passes.

The venerable school continues to be known as The Tribe, but it's safe to say the mascot will have absolutely no relation to anything Native American. After all, the last university president - who worshipped at the altar of political correctness - agreed to toss the little feathers that once graced William and Mary's logo. 

School officials are expected to roll out the new mascot soon. The rumored frontrunner?

A wren.

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Times are tough, but don't take it out on the marsupials

With unemployment on the rise, it's more important than ever to be on your very best behavior during job interviews.

Even informal ones.

So it should go without saying that job prospects should never, ever engage in opossum stomping while trying out for a new position.

Sadly, it happened.

In Danville.

Not only did Evan Bryce Schuler lose his chance to go to the police academy, he's now been convicted of animal cruelty.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should confess that I once swatted a possum with a broom. This outburst did not occur during a job interview, however. Furthermore, the marsupial started it. He tried to break into my house.

Last I saw, the beady-eyed beast was unharmed and headed next door. Or maybe to Danville.

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Zero tolerance vs. common sense

Here's one more reason for school adminstrators to hone their critical thinking skills instead of blindly following zero tolerance policies.

Yep, a Delaware first grader - 6 years old, by the way - was sentenced to 45 days in an "alternative" school after he brought a fork/knife/spoon camping tool to school to use at lunchtime.

The preposterous punishment has been overturned. Question is, why was it ever imposed at all?

Common sense: There's simply no substitute for it.

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The view from inside the Beltway

Do you suppose The Washington Post ever wonders why it doesn't sell more papers outside Northern Virginia?

Here's a hint: Maybe it's the sneering condescension  of its opinion writers toward the rest of the state.

In an editorial today the paper lectures Virginians about taxes. We need more of them, of course. In fact, The Post says that if we don't raise taxes to fix our roads the commonwealth - rated No. 1 for its business climate, potholes notwithstanding - will shrivel and die.

No news there. It's hardly shock and awe when an editorial board cheerleads for higher taxes.

But is it really necessary - or accurate - to characterize NoVa as the bright, shining enclave of enlightenment in what must be - by contrast - an undereducated, parochial, knuckle-dragging Southern state?

Get a load of this: To describe the group that's lobbying hardest for tax hikes, the Post says they include: "...almost everybody who is anybody in the richest, best-educated and most globally engaged part of the state."

So The Post wants to talk global engagement, does it? 

Seems to me the world's largest naval base is plenty engaged with the rest of the globe.

Keeping it safe, anyway.

Last time I checked, Hampton Roads-based sailors and pilots were deployed all over the globe.

Meaningless, I guess, if you're a Beltway beard tugger.

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Father of the Year? Definitely not.

Confession time. For tomorrow's paper I was thinking about writing a column on gangs.

I was going to talk about how all the local cities seem to host gang-awareness meetings. Yet gang membership continues to soar.

According to the FBI, there are about 6,000 gang members in Hampton Roads. That's an astonishing number and I'm not sure how they arrived at it. The Bloods and the Crips are not like the AARP with formal membership rolls, after all.

Here's a scary thought: That number could be conservative.

Anyway, I thought I might write about how the only real solution to the gangs is parental involvement. More moms and dads - especially dads - need to be in their kids' lives and faces.

And then I read this in the Richmond Times-Dispatch.

Seems a father and daughter have been arrested in Northern Virginia for soliciting gang membership.

This is not the kind of parental involvement we need.

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Yup, pit bulls again

Some of you object whenever I write about pit bulls. You think these lovable beasts get a bad rap.

You like to trot out statistics showing that cocker spaniels are more likely to bite than pit bulls.

That's true, by the way. In fact, many dog breeds bite more often than pit bulls.

All dogs bite. Few kill.

Sadly, we have another death by pit bull in Virginia.

This time it was a 23-month-old Orange County girl who was savagely attacked by her family pet last weekend.

So how many more children must die before the General Assembly allows localities to ban this breed?

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Polanski's double standard

Why is it that when a clergyman or a teacher is accused of having sex with a 13-year-old drugged child society labels the perp a pedophile, a pervert and a sex offender?

Yet when a talented film director faces the same charges people are quick to pardon him. They blame his unhappy life, or worse, insinuate that the victim was somehow to blame.

Just wondering.

Let's be honest, Roman Polanski defied the American justice system 30 years ago. He's now been arrested. He needs to be brought back to the States and treated just like anyone else accused of the same sex charges.

His great films are beside the point.

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Politicians. They really aren't like the rest of us.

Consider they way they speak, for instance.

Exhibit 1: This curious excerpt from Doug Wilder's Thursday statement, in which he attempted to explain why he won't support Creigh Deeds for governor:

"... The question before me is whether I support the Democratic candidate's position in addressing these issues. I have not thus far in the progress of the campaign, and as aforesaid refrain from so doing."

Translation, anyone?

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