Bad luck can be a good thing if you deal with it correctly

By Daneen Skube Interpersonal Edge | Tribune Media Services

So far, 2009 has been one piece of bad luck after another. I’ve been fired, rehired and now unemployed again. How on earth can you cope with a business environment that is so unpredictable without losing your mind?

During the recession, I’ve been writing about tools for finding the eye of the hurricane. I recently became aware of an expert on adversity, Elizabeth Lesser, when I read her book, “Broken Open.” Lesser is also cofounder of Omega Institute, where people frequently come to deal with challenges.

I asked Lesser to share her “greatest hits” tips for thriving in, not just surviving, adversity.

Lesser immediately acknowledged that, from the moment we’re born, we are put into a vulnerable situation as a soft-skinned mammal. She proposed three steps to wake you up to your greater self:

1. Make peace with the law of the land, and the law of the land is things will fall apart. Our resistance to things changing is more damaging than things falling apart.

2. Don’t beat yourself up for having trouble making peace with the law of the land. Forgive yourself for resisting life. Realize that adversity brings out intense feelings before it breaks you open to transformation.

3. Accept life on its own terms. If you just expect life to follow your game plan, you are bound to crash. If you study physics or biology, for every gain there is a loss. When a big problem hits you, you can pray to be as graceful as nature.

I was especially intrigued with Lesser’s philosophy that we never really know what is good for us. The idea that I may be praying the wrong prayer, and that maybe life is not just out to get me when I don’t get my way, is comforting.

Always the pragmatist, I asked Lesser how one goes about the tough work of coping well with hardship? Her advice is to deal gently with the emotions that come up during bad times. She pointed out that years of scabs form over old wounds from our past.

Lesser said she finds the combination of three tools helpful: psychotherapy, a spiritual path and meditation. I told her I’m getting many letters from readers who feel this year has pushed them to the end of their rope. Did Lesser think the times we are living in are especially hard right now?

Lesser pointed out that other people have lived in challenging times – for instance, during the plagues or the Ice Age. Lesser commented: “I see such an undeniable confirmation in my work that everything is connected. I believe our challenges now are challenging us to wake up to our interconnectivity or lose the atmosphere that makes life possible.”

I agree with Lesser that when the going gets tough, the tough have the power to decide whether they will learn something or feel tortured. So, the next time “bad luck” drops in your path, take comfort in knowing you’ve got company: me, Lesser – heck, even that guy who keeps stealing your stapler. Wake up, be available, and know that you are not alone! The last word My workplace is chaos central. I recently bought a water fountain and crystal and put it on my desk. Now everyone calls me a flake, but it makes me feel calmer. What do I say?

Smile and say, “I may be a flake, but I am now a calmer flake,” then go back to work. If you stop reacting, they will stop teasing. Daneen Skube is an executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker. She’s the author of “Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything.” Have a question: Contact Daneen Skube at www.interpersonaledge@comcast.net or c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.