Take accountablity for problems to turn 'luck' around

By Daneen Skube Interpersonal Edge | Tribune Media Services

I seem to have had a string of bad luck this year. Every time I turn around a new problem comes up and I haven’t even solved the old problems. Do I just have bad karma or is this something I can do to turn my luck around?

You can turn your bad “luck” around if you are willing to consider that you are the common denominator in all your situations. You can change your luck if you can see and change your habitual way of operating.

We often don’t want to consider our accountability in our problems because it feels like we’re blaming ourselves. Blame and accountability are completely different concepts. Blame involves shaming yourself for being “bad.” Accountability means taking responsibility for our choices.

In the people I coach, the most common mistake is avoiding intolerable emotions. My clients may avoid shame, inadequacy or anger.

For instance, many of my clients do not want to be seen as inadequate. When their boss asks them to fly, they nod sagely, and commit to take off. When the day comes for flight, everyone looks at them expectantly, and ... they try fervently hopping. Some of my clients will even climb up on a desk and ... hurt their leg when they fall.

Flying, of course, is just a metaphor for all those ridiculous expectations people at work can demand of us. We all know we are human and we have limits. But, most of us find it challenging to admit these realities up front.

When we avoid intolerable feelings, we end up dealing with this same feeling in spades in the long run. It’s like we keep using an emotional credit card at work and never pay off the card. In the long run, we mortgage our future to avoid our present discomfort.

Start turning your “luck” around by asking yourself what feeling you find most intolerable at work. Get out a sheet of paper, write the feeling at the top, and make a list of when you experienced this emotion. Now on the other side of the paper, make a list of possible events that worry you the most. Put a checkmark on each of these events that would bring up the intolerable feeling you identified. Now on the back of your paper, brainstorm what you would say and do if you weren’t trying to avoid this feeling at work.

Realize that we are often more handicapped by what we do not or will not understand about ourselves than by bad luck. As you become more capable of seeing the truth about yourself clearly, you’ll make your choices based on effectiveness not avoiding momentary discomfort.

As you step into the eye of your ongoing workplace hurricane, others may think you have a lucky charm. You’ll know the price of seeing your weaknesses is a small cost for a lifetime of good fortune!

Daneen Skube is an executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker. She’s the author of “Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything.” Have a question: Contact Daneen Skube at www.interpersonaledge@comcast.net or c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.