Unhappy at the office? Use your anger, and be in the now

By Daneen Skube | Interpersonal Edge

Dear Daneen: There are so many things wrong with my job that it would take a book to list them. I know a lot of people these days say it is good for my peace of mind and spiritual development to be in the now. How do you “be in the now” when reality stinks?

Show me a person who can’t make a list of what is wrong with their life in and out of the workplace and I’ll show you a liar. You can be in the now when reality bites, but only if you stop biting back when you disagree with your circumstances.

Most of us have considered that reality is not a democracy. Most days we don’t even feel we have a vote on how life is turning out for us. We wake up and are surprised every day at what happens next.

But our debate with reality is about as effective as arguing with gravity when you step out a third-floor window. You may not like the results, but the results will affect you whether you agree or not.

The philosopher Seneca observed, “The fates lead him who will; him who won’t they drag.” Seneca died in 65 A.D., and the truth at work hasn’t changed much since. We have the choice to accept reality and be guided by the truth of a situation, or refuse to see what is going on and be dragged through the situation kicking and screaming.

Many of my clients think that if they don’t like some aspect of their workplace situation, they are condoning a problem by not fighting against what they don’t like.

Unfortunately, what you don’t like about your workplace isn’t going to change just because you don’t like it.

The martial art of aikido is a great model for working with what we don’t like at the office. Aikido is particularly useful for a smaller person who is fighting a larger foe (how many of us feel at work), as its techniques encourage you to surrender to the attack of your adversary and to use the energy of the attack to move him away from you.

The reason so many teachers emphasize “being here now” is this: The now is the only place we have any power. We can bemoan our past and worry about our future, but this moment is the only place you can do anything to get what you want.

No matter how much we don’t like the current moment, we can still bring our physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual resources into a creative solution. Use your anger as an ally. Anger is a finger pointing at what you need to fix. Just remember: Anger’s there to energize you to take a risk, not to beat people up on the job.

If you think your current job stinks, make a list of things that make you mad on the job. Beside each item, write how you react. Then for each item, write 10 different ways you could react.

If we can use our suffering in the workplace to grow us up and make us more creative, the cost of a little pain will be worth what we gain.