Just got back from our early-morning toddle around the neighborhood, T-Bone, Porque Choppe, and I. Beautiful day. Under the last wisp of nearly-full moon, this was a good time to meet some of the characters in my community.
1) An elderly lady shouted at me from her porch as we walked by. Not yet burdened with the false teeth she wears by day, she was nevertheless dressed to kill in one of her many gorgeous silk caftan and harem pants outfits.
In a hoarse, scratchy voice, she roared at me, “How olda them dawgs?” Not wanting to disrespect someone even older and more decrepit than I, I stood there as she lectured me about dawgs. Soon she was joined by her 94-year-old husband and his fourteen-year-old poodle. With me, that made an old-people breakfast club…minus, of course, the breakfast. Yakketty-yak, on and on. Both Chihuahuas hauling on their leashes, “C’mon, Ahno. Let’s move it, move it, move it.” Eventually, we did.
2) A few blocks on, a twenty-something male, dressed in what may fairly be characterized as rags, approached me, and then kept coming. Seeing that he intended to walk right up in my face, I shouted, “Back OFF! Step BACK!” Both Chihuahuas were saying the same thing, but he didn’t seem to notice them…which isn't something I recommend.
He shook his head as if coming up out of water, held out a hand to me and began what was clearly a well-rehearsed spiel, “Ma’am, my name is Reed Parker, and I find myself unexpectedly inconvenienced and embarrassed on the wrong side of town from my home.”
I’ve met this one before. I said sternly, “Young man. Don’t be a jerk. Go to work. Now get out of my way before a Chihuahua takes a hunk out of your nearest ankle.”
3) About twenty-minutes later, seeing a friend’s house on the next corner, I was surprised to notice what looked like the top of her husband’s head just above the rail of one of her back porches. “Hey, Bob!” I called jovially, “What brings you outdoors so early?”
No answer. “Bob!” I called. “That you? Whatchoo doin'?”
He stood up, looked down at me and then…entirely serious…announced, “I was prayin’ but don’t tell anybody.” Bob has told everyone he knows, has said for years and years that he absolutely does not believe in God. I changed the name so this doesn’t qualify as me telling on him.
And so it went. A lovely walk on a fresh hot morning in the south, street after street of interesting old homes, row after row of Norfolk’s signature pink trees in full bloom…and rich, juicy characters to season the experience.